Recently a friend went to view “her”, the new Spike Jonze flick about a man who falls in love with his OS (that would be computer Operating System for those of you as technologically illiterate as myself). After hearing my friends thoughts on the movie (double thumbs up and a box of Kleenex later) my wee little brain began whirring….what about a little something for the ladies? Below is my creative compilation comprised of components from my kitchen cabinets. Viola! Movie release date Spring 2014.
An open letter to retailers:
Hello out there – anyone listening to the consumers? I DO NOT want to buy markers and notebooks and backpacks in July!!!!! I don’t want to see them in your flyers, littering my mailbox with unwanted thoughts of the back to school madness. Your one day only sales that pressure me into buying things long before class lists are ready because now I am wondering: if you are doing this in July does that mean it will all be gone by late August and I will be facing isles of Christmas wreaths and Menorahs when instead I need protractors and pencil cases?
Why when teachers and parents and children have just started to dig toes into sand dunes, are busy splashing in pools, and summer camp has just kicked off for the season, do you think for any reason that we want to be lining up for crayons and calendars?
Do you know what I want to buy now? Bathing suits and flip-flops and fun things that float in the water. You know – all the things that are harder to find IN THE SUMMER than Jimmy Hoffa’s body. PLEASE – stop forcing the seasons to change months ahead of time. Let us, the poor consumers, have a rest. Let us enjoy the sunshine and saltwater for the brief time it lasts.
Trust me, we will be back – we love your ten-cent pencil cases. But we don’t love them until school starts.
Sincerely your very tired and in desperate need of a break from your onslaught of marketing gimmicks (and in need of sunscreen and a beach towel) consumer,
That moment when you know that she knows that you know that she knows. Confused yet? Let me try this another way….
Daughter Two: “So, Mom, I’ve been having some trouble with the tooth fairy.”
Me: “What kind of trouble?” (Asked in a sing-song, Mary Poppins voice – ‘cause that’s how I roll)
Daughter Two: “Well I put my tooth under my pillow last night and the tooth fairy didn’t come. AGAIN.”
Me (feigning surprise): “Oh, you put that under your pillow already? “
I should note that at this point she is glaring at me like something from “Evil Dead” and I am realizing that there is a very good reason that second children have an actual syndrome named after their status in life. Thank GOD I was a first born.
Daughter Two: “Yes, yes I did. And once again she is late. MAYBE she’ll make it tonight.”
Final piercing glare then exit, stage left.
And then I knew. I knew that she knew that I knew that she KNEW. We were there – that delicate crossroad in life when the fairy tale ends but no one is ready to say the words. She knew that the fairy wasn’t delayed because of a volcanic explosion in Iceland that grounded all creatures of flight or late by a couple of days because she had a broken wing. Uh-huh, before you ask, used them both and few more. Like I said above – second child syndrome is real for a reason.
So bittersweet is that moment of knowing, for both of us. Because now I know that she knows that I definitely suck as a fairy.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make some interest payments on an enamel coated dentin blob.
Every now and again the universe sends you exactly what you need in the seconds before you think all is lost. In my case it was a piping hot $5.00 pizza from Price Chopper. Now you are most likely thinking to yourself right about now that I need to step up my expectations in life if this is my version of Heaven. Just read.
Won’t bore you with the minutia of my endless Friday but here’s the condensed overview: Awake at 5:00am after a couple of hours of sleep, get kids up, ready, out, work, errands, run Girl Scout meeting, pick up rest of the pack from babysitter, home, more errands, and then St. Patrick’s day grocery shopping. That brings us to the moments before my manna from Heaven (if manna comes with tomato sauce and a heavy handed layer of mozzarella).
Picture three tired children along with their cranky mom (insert my face) on their way to the second grocery store because first one did not have all of the necessary Irish accoutrements for our upcoming celebrations. It’s after 8pm; no one has eaten, and trust me when I say that doesn’t make anyone in this family any nicer. The wall of glass slides open and in we walk to be greeted by a woman in a flowing robe and a halo. Okay – the children are saying that she was in a Price Chopper polo shirt and the light over her head was the glare off the donut case but hey, we all see what we want, right?
Anyway…..in we walk to find this angel (a.k.a. underpaid Price Chopper employee) approaching us with a box held regally before her. Angels sang as she asked us, “Would you like a fresh, hot, five dollar pizza tonight?”
And there it was – the one thing I didn’t have to think about taking care of on our never-ending Friday. Dinner. Gifted to us from a woman who had to be Heaven sent. Wasn’t the best pizza we’ve ever had, nor was it the worst, but last night it was the most appreciated pizza I’ve ever eaten.
Reblogging this post from Tilly Bud of The Laughing Housewife fame. She is hysterical to read but more importantly, there is a picture of me in this post. Tilly threatened….err…… challenged us to send her a photo of our whereabouts during the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I would like to point out that if the photos tell us anything it’s that Tilly knows ALOT of drinkers so I’m not sure how much of the actual ceremony these folks remember. Here’s to praying she does not post a pop quiz. Cheers!
No, the Queen was not so impressed by the aging Grace Jones in her PVC outfit at the Diamond Jubilee Concert that she decided to take up hula hooping – though after seeing her as a Bond Girl and skydiver, I suppose anything is possible.
My title was left as a comment on the post in which I invited you to tell me what you were eating, drinking and doing during the Olympics Opening Ceremony. You responded in your units. Some of them alcoholic.
Before I get on to that, I want to add three items to my list of highlights:
- The choir of hearing-impaired and other children who sang the National Anthem so beautifully.
- The honour guard of 500 workers who had built the stadium. They lined up in the tunnel as the torch entered. A wonderful touch.
- And finally, the news that for the first time, every single one…
View original post 1,011 more words
Okay – I have tried so hard to resist writing this post but I just can’t hold out. I….must….talk….about…..Scanbox. Or as I like to call it, Scambox. It is one of those inventions that has you (okay, really me) rolling your eyes and saying, “Seriously??? People are paying for that?” Well, yes they are and I think what irks me most is that I didn’t come up with the “Scambox” first.
In case you haven’t seen it yet, Scanbox is the brainchild of an Australian trio of app creators who figured out that if you create a pop up cardboard box and pitch it as a scanner, people will not just believe you but also send you money. They have essentially created a stage for your paperwork. Your iPhone can then be placed on top in the absolutely perfect position to best scan/photograph your item. It’s that simple.
If you want fancy you can pay a few bucks extra for the battery operated LED lights to enhance your cardboard box experience. Nathan Hurst over at Wired.com sums up the invention in a recent article with this catchy title: “Kickstarter of the Week: A Portable Scanner for Smartphones”
So why you ask is this über simple idea driving me bonkers? Do I have cardboard box issues? Nope, I don’t think so. It’s the sales pitch.
I watched the Scanbox video over at Kickstarter.com, a fantastic website that hosts a grass-roots fundraising bonanza for all things cool, new, and wacky. Nothing says rockin’ Saturday night like a bunch of friends hunched over a laptop watching startup pitches but yes, that is how we pass the time over at my place. Kickstarter is like Shark Tank but for regular folks. We’re in it for the power. But I digress…..
The Scanbox video pitch starts rolling and I immediately realize that I need to slap my companions. They are oohing and ahhing over all the great things that this box can do. Look, it’s a photocopier. Look, you can scan images. Wow! You can do power point presentations with the Scanbox. At this point I found myself shouting (yes, I really was), “IT’S JUST A PIECE OF CARDBOARD!!! THE PHONE DOES THE WORK! THIS IS NOT A SCANNER! IT’S JUST A BOX PEOPLE!”
Alas it was too late. Not even my not so pretty recreation of the Scanbox using a flashlight and beer box (don’t judge) could convince them. It was at that moment that I realized – these Australian’s were brilliant and damn it, I will most likely be finding a Scanbox in my holiday stocking this year.
So, when you find yourself heading over to Kickstarter to watch this video – come on, you know you will in five seconds – and then whipping out some plastic to order one, I beg you to keep this thought in mind: IT’S JUST CARDBOARD – IT IS NOT A SCANNER. Don’t make me slap you too.
I have a pressing issue that can wait no longer to be discussed. Draw Something. Are you familiar with this smart phone app? It’s a slightly addictive game that is basically worldwide Pictionary© on your phone/ipad® and I have a problem.
Am I the only one who gets a little twinge of sadness when someone exits a game? Am I alone in my quest for better words because, let’s face it, how many times can one draw a penguin, an igloo, and that weird cartoon girl with the big yellow bow? And how many uncomfortable times do we have to watch people try to draw something for the word lick? Ick…..
I would like to direct this next portion to the nudgers out there – and you know who you are. Do you think that I spend so many hours crafting carefully drawn depictions of household items for my benefit? Or to avoid writing? No people, it’s all for you. I certainly am not hoarding points so that I can expand my color palette to every hue of the rainbow for my own sake. It is simply because I want your guessing experience to be as rich and enjoyable as possible. That’s right, I do this for YOU!
So please, don’t NUDGE me when I have to step away from the phone to conduct the rest of my life. And don’t JUDGE me when my drawing of the Eiffel tower comes out resembling more like the leaning tower of Pisa.
This game means something to me – it means being there for YOU. You’re welcome.