An open letter to retailers

An open letter to retailers:

Hello out there – anyone listening to the consumers?  I DO NOT want to buy markers and notebooks and backpacks in July!!!!!  I don’t want to see them in your flyers, littering my mailbox with unwanted thoughts of the back to school madness.  Your one day only sales that pressure me into buying things long before class lists are ready because now I am wondering: if you are doing this in July does that mean it will all be gone by late August and I will be facing isles of Christmas wreaths and Menorahs when instead I need protractors and pencil cases?

Why when teachers and parents and children have just started to dig toes into sand dunes, are busy splashing in pools, and summer camp has just kicked off for the season, do you think for any reason that we want to be lining up for crayons and calendars?
Do you know what I want to buy now?  Bathing suits and flip-flops and fun things that float in the water.  You know – all the things that are harder to find IN THE SUMMER than Jimmy Hoffa’s body. PLEASE  – stop forcing the seasons to change months ahead of time.  Let us, the poor consumers, have a rest.  Let us enjoy the sunshine and saltwater for the brief time it lasts.

Trust me, we will be back – we love your ten-cent pencil cases.   But we don’t love them until school starts.

Sincerely your very tired and in desperate need of a break from your onslaught of marketing gimmicks (and in need of sunscreen and a beach towel) consumer,

Laura E.

Six Word Saturday

 

 

 

 

 UNABASHEDLY  WANDERING THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED.

I poached this fun game from  http://www.showmyface.com .

Want to play along?  All that’s necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. Feel free to explain or not explain. For more information, try clicking here.  (clicking here will magically transport you to Show My Face’s page where you can read more about her and how the game originated)
If you play along in your blog, please add a link.  Please link back to both my page AND Show My Face.

Scanbox

Okay – I have tried so hard to resist writing this post but I just can’t hold out.  I….must….talk….about…..Scanbox.  Or as I like to call it, Scambox.   It is one of those inventions that has you (okay, really me) rolling your eyes and saying, “Seriously??? People are paying for that?”  Well, yes they are and I think what irks me most is that I didn’t come up with the “Scambox” first.

In case you haven’t seen it yet, Scanbox is the brainchild of an Australian trio of app creators who figured out that if you create a pop up cardboard box and pitch it as a scanner, people will not just believe you but also send you money.  They have essentially created a stage for your paperwork.  Your iPhone can then be placed on top in the absolutely perfect position to best scan/photograph your item.  It’s that simple.

If you want fancy you can pay a few bucks extra for the battery operated LED lights to enhance your cardboard box experience.   Nathan Hurst over at Wired.com sums up the invention in a  recent article with this catchy title: “Kickstarter of the Week: A Portable Scanner for Smartphones”

So why you ask is this  über simple idea driving me bonkers?  Do I have cardboard box issues?  Nope, I don’t think so.   It’s the sales pitch.

I watched the Scanbox video over at Kickstarter.com, a fantastic website that hosts a grass-roots fundraising bonanza for all things cool, new, and wacky.    Nothing says rockin’ Saturday night like a bunch of friends hunched over a laptop watching startup pitches but yes, that is how we pass the time over at my place.  Kickstarter is like Shark Tank but for regular folks.  We’re in it for the power.  But I digress…..

The Scanbox video pitch starts rolling and I immediately realize that I need to slap my companions.  They are oohing and ahhing over all the great things that this box can do.  Look, it’s a photocopier.  Look, you can scan images.  Wow!  You can do power point presentations with the Scanbox.  At this point I  found myself shouting (yes, I really was), “IT’S JUST A PIECE OF CARDBOARD!!!  THE PHONE DOES THE WORK! THIS IS NOT A SCANNER!  IT’S JUST A BOX PEOPLE!”

Alas it was too late.  Not even my not so pretty recreation of the Scanbox using a flashlight and beer box (don’t judge) could convince them.  It was at that moment that I realized – these Australian’s were brilliant and damn it, I will most likely be finding a Scanbox in my holiday stocking this year.

So, when you find yourself heading over to Kickstarter to watch this video – come on, you know you will in five seconds – and then whipping out some plastic to order one, I beg you to keep this thought in mind:  IT’S JUST CARDBOARD – IT IS NOT A SCANNER.   Don’t make me slap you too.

A word or 270 about Draw Something….

I have a pressing issue that can wait no longer to be discussed.  Draw Something.  Are you familiar with this smart phone app?  It’s a slightly addictive game that is basically worldwide Pictionary© on your phone/ipad® and I have a problem.

Am I the only one who gets a little twinge of sadness when someone exits a game?  Am I alone in my quest for better words because, let’s face it, how many times can one draw a penguin, an igloo, and that weird cartoon girl with the big yellow bow?  And how many uncomfortable times do we have to watch people try to draw something for the word lick? Ick…..

I would like to direct this next portion to the nudgers out there – and you know who you are. Do you think that I spend so many hours crafting carefully drawn depictions of household items for my benefit?  Or to avoid writing?  No people, it’s all for you.  I certainly am not hoarding points so that I can expand my color palette to every hue of the rainbow for my own sake.  It is simply because I want your guessing experience to be as rich and enjoyable as possible.    That’s right, I do this for YOU!

So please, don’t NUDGE me when I have to step away from the phone to conduct the rest of my life.  And don’t JUDGE me when my drawing of the Eiffel tower comes out resembling more like the leaning tower of Pisa.

This game means something to me – it means being there for YOU.  You’re welcome.

E is for extricate

Day 5 of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge April 2012 – “E”

 

Everyday entertaining eradicates energy as I eloquently expound in enticing entries.  Essential to my endeavors to exact engaging exposition are espresso, éclairs, and exercise (shhh – enough out of you).  Being entrenched in escalating emotions while extrapolating exemplary editorial emissions is exhausting.

Ergo, due to being effete from exertion, my equipoise is to envision embarking upon explorations of the exotic expanses of earth.   I’m eyeing Egypt, Ecuador, Estonia, and Ethiopia for these existential excursions.  Exploring  enriching environments of exceptional excellence would be epic.  Ahhh… the energizing escapades I yearn to experience through escapism.

Except…..

Excuse me there, eldest child of mine, elbowing her way into my engrossing yet  entirely imaginary ego eco-trip.  Either you need to exit my Eden of eidetic expounding or else go get Mommy an éclair….

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PLEASE NOTE:  This is my original material so…  I emphatically entreat eager engineers of thievery to exit  empty-handed or I will elect to exenterate you (okay – exaggeration – but I will be extraordinarily enraged).

Ekuba!  (indigenous Australian dialect)